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just like thisyou should remember me like this
i had a brown bifold leather wallet beaten up but in great condition
worn down smooth and i was so proud of that thing because it was the first
truly manly thing i owned and if my father taught me anything it's that
a man is judged by the quality of his wallet.
i could listen to music like rufus wainwright and darren hayes for hours
but most of the time i was speeding down a highway--with friends or myself--
blasting filthy rock music, most likely buckcherry, laughing at the thought
that anyone would even try to have this much fun.
you should remember me like this
i cared a lot about my work even if the job was shit i still wanted to be
respected and a hard day of work sung harmoniously in my bones because
i have never been one to shy away from work even if i was in pain most
of the time.
i played a careful game of cover up and wanted people to think that i was
sensitive and soft and innocent.
but i could have and was ready to kick the shit out of anyon
signsmaybe these are signs of healing
that i don't want to be with anyone
who doesn't treat me as good as i
i don't want you
if you don't want me back
the same way i want you
i'm sure in what i want
i want you to want to spend
as much time with me
as i want to spend with you
i want you to be crazy about me
i want you asking me out
i want you asking me what i want
i want you asking me for consent
maybe this is a sign of healing
where instead of taking whatever i thought
would be good enough for the moment
now i feel confident to demand
the basics--comfort, respect, consent--and
hold out for the extras
i'm no longer interested in settling
or compromising key aspects of myself or what i want
it's either you pay attention to me
meet me half way
treat me as i deserve
treat me as good as i treat myself
or i can wait
i can wait for something
maybe this is all a sign of healing.
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